My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
