he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
