this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize