i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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