i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
