Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
