I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
