just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
