grandma shit on top of the toilet
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
