I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
