I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
