"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
