Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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