i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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