Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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