in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
