you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
