when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
