operation harelip BJ is a go
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
