I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
