My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
