You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
