guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
