i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
