If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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