really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
