What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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