i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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