In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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