Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pooping to opera.
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