Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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