dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
