nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
