I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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