You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
