i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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