this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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