How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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