I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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