I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
