i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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