nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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