What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
