To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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