Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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