I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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