when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
