I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
