Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
