A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
