I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
