have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
