mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
