I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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