real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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