I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
