So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
