I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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