i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize