Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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