I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
