margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
BRING THE BAGELS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize