my sisters under your porch take her home
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
