I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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