and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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