I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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