but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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