Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We left an ass print on the piano.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
