Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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