I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
