Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize