you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
