Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
