i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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