Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
