i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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