You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
