saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
