It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
