We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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