I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
