I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
