apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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