i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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