So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
