Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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