Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
