Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
