it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
