It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
