you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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