My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
