So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
